FaiTH iN LoVe

Originally Posted on MiiSpaciO
Friday, April 04, 2008

Ryin,
I used to read ur blogs a lot, and you seem like ur a beautiful woman who seems to get her heart broken a lot. I admire that you never bash the ni&%az that you dealt with! How do always manage to look forward to love again?
Ri©HBoY_757


Ri©H,
Can I call u Ri©H? Cool!
This question seemed like an easy one at first. I was going to give you the whole speech about how you don’t let the past affect your future…blah blah blah... New man should not be treated this way because…blah blah blah…! So instead I’m going to give you the upfront answer… I made a lot of mistakes and made bad decisions!!! I can’t blame dudes for that, they can only be who they are, as I can only be who I am.
In all honesty when I dealt with some of the individuals that I have I knew that it wouldn’t work. I knew that our ideas about relationships differed, meaning, I was in it for the long run and they were there for the moment! Also, it was evident that our lives were going in different directions. I always went after stereotypical "bad boy", you know the love ’em and leave ’em type of guy. I just always thought I could change them!!! I saw the good and innocent qualities that they could no longer see in themselves, and I always thought I could change them, and save them from their own demise. (Ladies take note: The only time you can change a man is if he is in pampers!)
Example, I fell head over heels with a young man who I simply could shake..lol! He was handsome, mysterious, and I wanted him. Except that he had no real ambitions and was content to be living an unstable life and living that street life. While he was diving head first into a life that eventually trap him and kill him slow, I was running as far and fast as I could away from it. We were from the same world, but we saw it in two different ways. He saw no hope for the future, and had given up, and me… well I wasn’t going to let the hood eat me alive, and wasn’t giving up without a fight. I just knew if I fought hard enough I could save us both. In the end he wasn’t mature enough to handle our relationship, and left me alone in love. (Good thing I never told him I loved him, huh?)
However, I soon came to realize that the only person that I was fooling was myself, and if I continued to make the choices I was making that I would bring myself down in the process. I learned a lot from my mistakes. I learned about what I wanted and didn’t want. I learned to read the writing on the wall and be a "down ass bitch" to the most important person in my life, ME! This doesn’t mean that I wasn’t resentful at some point, of course I was, BUT once I took the time away to love myself, I was alble to trust myself and my judgment. It made it easier to love and TRUST again!
Hope that answers that ( I aint think I had that much to say about it, lol!)

As always, until next time...
ALL HooD, ALL the time, Mucho Besos!

T.R. Riley