Ask T.R. Riley...

Originally PosTeD on MiiSpaCio
April 12, 2008

T.R. RiLeY,
I read the story about your friend and I am also in love with a man who doesn't belong to me. We had something once, but things didn't work out, and we went our seprate ways. I saw him again and now I can't keep him off my mind!! We speak regularly now, and he says things that lead me to think there is a possibilty for us to work something out. I tell him that I don't want to persue him (when I really do) until he is single. It is becoming harder to hide how I feel, especially since I want to know if his feelings are the same. Should I tell him the truth about how I feel, and hope he will do the same? Do you think telling him how I feel will persuade him that I am the better woman for him?
MiSS_GuyDeaD in Love

MiSS_GuYDeaD,

To paraphrase that crazy director guy that slept with his adopted daughter...we tend to romantcize our past. We take the good and make it better; and as for the bad, since the sting of the hurt has faded we tend to forget just how much it hurt while it was hurting!! Add love into the equation and you end up with a lot of confusion.

Yes my friend (she needs a name...suggestions?) is going through something similar. In fact, I spent a lot of time helping, a usually structured woman, keep herself composed both emotionally and mentally. She mirrored a lot of your questions and concerns.It's been a total of 3 days, and already she is questioning her relationship (which was fine as of monday, april 7th), and questioning the validity of his feelings, in addition to her own. She took a hit of that 'what if...' and hasn't been the same since!! I don't blame her; placed in her position I would probably feel the same way. She loves this man, his short comings and all. As I've explained in my previous blogging, temptations and 2nd chances, these 2 have an interesting history together. I also think that time has distorted her perception of what happened, and how badly she was hurt. Love doesn't have her completely blinded, she kind of sees the truth. She feels as though he doesn't have her best interest at heart, and the fact that he has a girl he is fully willing to disregard doesn't sit well with her either, but she is still asking 'what if...?' (as if she doesn't already know!) Then again, there are other things I can't share with y'all that contribute to her feelings for him!! (Read previous blogs...u may b able 2 read between the lines! Hint: Children) Would I suggest she tell him all of this...hell to the muthafukk'n no!! Why?...
Well 3 reasons...
1) I find it hard to believe he doesn't already know exactly how she feels. A man can look into a womans eyes and know if she is genuinly in love with him, or if she a skeezah.
2)Even if he thinks he knows, I wouldn't go so far as to confirm her feelings. That seems like too much power to give one person over your feelings. ESPECIALLY IF, you aren't sure of his intentions! And,
3) He has a girl! What else could he possibly offer than second best and leftovers.

Inevitably,in relationships, you will have to make all of these decisions on your own. You have to decide how much of yourself to surrender to your prospective partner. AGAIN, like I always say...assess assess assess, and then decide if the risks are worth the rewards. The surrender of your mind, heart, body and soul is the easy part...It's getting it all back that is the journey!As always. I hope the misguided adventures I share guide you through your adventures, and help you make better decisions for yourself!!

Until next time...
ALL HooD, ALL the time,
T.R. Riley
Rebel.riley@yahoo.com